Anger. Rage, actually.
Rage and resentment at levels that sometimes scare you.
Fear, too. Fear of the unknown. Fear that there won’t be enough. Fear that you’ll be alone forever. Fear that the children won’t be okay.
And loneliness.
And grief. Grief that sneaks up on you in unexpected moments and literally takes your breath away.
In the midst of these overwhelming emotions, when life feels completely out of control and you cannot even think straight, you are forced to work together with the very person who is ripping your heart out to make a plan for sharing the loves of your life.
Trying to agree on a co-parenting plan can be a catalyst for gut-wrenching conflict…
… even for those rare couples who are not engulfed in hostility, betrayal, and disappointment.
It’s possible to use the process of creating a co-parenting plan as an opportunity to get your needs met, activate your strengths, and build a mindset that will allow you to make the best decisions for and take care of your children and yourself.
Twenty (20) years of resilience training and couples counseling have shown me that resilience can be taught and that learning it at those moments when life has brought you to your knees allows you to stand up again as a better version of yourself.
There are neurobiological reasons why we humans simply cannot think well when we feel threatened.
Our brains are designed to optimize our bodies and our minds for fight or flight or sometimes freeze. And while these states of being are helpful for escaping from many kinds of danger, they are not at all conducive to complex, constructive thinking – especially about emotionally charged subjects.
Divorce, particularly co-parenting, is threatening.
It feels like the other person is threatening to prevent us from getting our most important needs met. Our need to protect our children. Our need to be part of a loving family. Our need to feel heard and respected. Our need to have a predictable, comforting routine.
When we believe someone else holds the power to prevent us from meeting our needs, we can get stuck in blame and lashing out.
When we obsess over trying to get someone else to give us what we want, we disconnect from our own power. This is soul-crushingly demoralizing.
On the other hand, if we can give voice to our emotions and allow them to highlight our unmet needs, we can use them to take care of ourselves.
Our anger, for example, might be highlighting our need to be in relationships with people we can trust.
Our sadness might be showing us we have an unmet need for feeling taken care of.
Our fear could be telling us that we need to rally the support of friends and family instead of trying to be a hero and go it alone.
Once we identify the needs that feel threatened or unmet, we can find ways to take care of ourselves. There might be a couple that still feel intertwined with the other person, and those could require deeper work. With our other needs met, our overwhelming emotions will subside; and we will be in a better mind space to think creatively about untangling even the stickiest needs from the other person.
My approach to co-parenting counseling takes couples through a process in which they consider their co-parenting options in the context of their own unique constellation of strengths, needs, values, desires, and beliefs. They look deeper than the immediate challenge of co-parenting to develop self-awareness and skills for creating a new life for their family that aligns with the best, most empowered versions of themselves.
Applying resilience training to co-parenting counseling transforms the process
from one of pain and demoralization to one of hope and empowerment.
Want to Learn More?
Call Now: (310) 750-9993
Or…
Co-Parenting Counseling that Builds Resilience
Why wouldn’t you want to build your skills?
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE SKILLS
…help you regulate your emotions and take care of yourself in highly stressful situations.
INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
…help you communicate effectively and build supportive relationships.
MIND-BODY SKILLS
…help you repair the physical effects of stress and access your Inner Wisdom when making decisions.
Why not deepen your self-awareness as you create a new life for yourself and your children?
Structuring your life around your STRENGTHS and your children’s strengths builds self-esteem at a time when everyone needs to feel empowered.
Making your NEEDS a priority and balancing them with those of your children is key to creating a new environment in which everyone can regroup and ultimately flourish.
Living in alignment with your VALUES allows you to feel good about yourself as you create your new normal.
Making sure the BELIEFS with which you choose to create your new life actually serve you… this is critical to moving forward with optimism and purpose.