Couples Counseling

It begins with little slights you try to ignore.

You tell yourself they’re doing the best they can and try to let it go. 

​Frustration builds when you try to get your partner to understand something very important to you, but they can’t or won’t comprehend what you’re saying. They’re so attached to their own perspective that they refuse to even acknowledge that there might be another way of looking at things.

​Fury erupts when they twist your words and somehow manage to make you the bad guy while completely invalidating your view of the situation.

It makes you want to scream. Or actually scream. But screaming only makes things worse. Your only options are to engage in the madness, which accomplishes nothing, or surrender and resign yourself to never being understood.

​As humans, we need to be heard and validated…

 …especially by the people we love. 

​Feeling unseen, misunderstood, and disrespected eats away at the very core of our self-esteem and can make us feel crazy.

Yet couples do this to each other all the time – sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally.

The sad thing is (for those who never know this)… it doesn’t have to be this way.  

There are skills couples can learn, and I can help.

I’ll show you techniques to communicate more effectively and listen so that you both feel heard – even when you disagree with each other.

I’ll help you both take care of yourselves without being a victim or martyr and respond to upsetting situations in ways that don’t escalate arguments.

I’ll also help you make a plan for both of you to get your needs met, as this is the root of interpersonal conflict – unmet needs.

When you use a disagreement over a particular issue as an opportunity to dig deeper into your strengths, needs, values, desires, and beliefs, you can repair the foundation upon which your marriage is built instead of putting a superficial band-aid on a deep, potentially life-threatening wound.

This is the essence of my resilience training model.

It can help couples bring out the best in each other and rekindle the flames that have dimmed in the face of conflict. 

Twenty (20) years of resilience training and couples counseling have shown me that resilience can be taught; and there is no better place to apply it than with couples conflict, because it helps both parties clarify what matters, think constructively about how they want to show up in their lives, and focus on what they can control rather than blaming and shaming their partner.

Want to improve your relationship…

…and increase the odds of your marriage lasting?

Build your communication and conflict resolution skill-set BEFORE things get touchy. Most couples come to therapy when things are already looking bleak, but the rare few who come to learn these powerful skills early on give themselves a huge advantage.

There are certain “Rules of Engagement” that make communicating, even about the most difficult topics, possible without fraying the bonds that hold you together.

It is possible to agree to disagree without stoking the flames of resentment. It is possible to be completely transparent without smoldering disappointment or frustration-laced sarcasm.

I offer an eight-week program that gives couples a communication and conflict resolution bootcamp. The process I take them through and the skills I teach give them the tools they need for their relationships to flourish.