A Tip for Longer, Healthier Relationships

When you start a new relationship, whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship, the dynamics feel good and natural. They feel simple and easy. You might not even realize why you like someone: The relationship simply clicks.

However, if you do not take the time to identify why you like that person and exactly what it is about the relationship that feels good to you, you run the risk of allowing those elements of the relationship to disappear when things become more difficult. Those great things are often the first to go away when the honeymoon phase wears off.

Take, for instance, humor. Imagine that you are dating someone who makes you laugh. The relationship feels good because it is fun and sometimes even silly. As time goes by and the stresses of life start to intrude, humor might start to fade or disappear altogether.

Yet, if you have taken the time to identify what you value in the relationship, you can make an effort to preserve and re-ignite those elements when times get tougher. You can find ways, for example, to inject humor back into the relationship. And you can consciously choose to appreciate the laughter when it comes.

When we do this—when we identify and articulate what we love about a relationship—we have valuable information to use in the future—both in that same relationship as it evolves and in future relationships.

What do you love about someone important to you? Tell me here in the comments section, or better yet, tell them!