You May Be Thinking About Resilience All Wrong

When most people think of resilience, they envision things like persevering against all odds, overcoming terrible hardship, and screwing your courage to the sticking place in the face of something awful. While it sounds like it would be beneficial to be strong and resilient, most people would rather… just be happy.

After all, if being resilient necessitates dealing with adversity, why not skip the adversity altogether and go straight to happy. Then you won’t even need resilience.

So let me take a moment to clarify a misconception about resilience and the skills I teach. The truth is, that while resilience is certainly a component in overcoming hardship, resilience is equally beneficial during your day-to-day life. It is equally as beneficial as plain ol’ happiness, because it empowers you and helps you achieve your dreams.

The resilience skills I teach are founded upon emotional intelligence, which is the ability to identify, understand, and control your emotions. Emotional intelligence allows you to be your best self in every interaction.

When you are emotionally intelligent, you are more successful at work. You are open and engaged with your ideas rather than guarded and defensive. You take criticism constructively. You are candid with your colleagues and they appreciate your empathy.

When you are emotionally intelligent, you have better interactions with people and stronger relationships. This is because you are better at communicating your needs, you are good at conflict resolution, and you are able to motivate and inspire other people. You are a better partner, better friend, and better parent.

When you are emotionally intelligent, you have a better life. You make decisions faster. You solve problems faster. You feel empowered more often. If you are “in a funk,” you are able to identify what you need so that you can feel better faster.

Everyone needs emotional intelligence. Parents who are emotionally intelligent are better able to enjoy their children and model happiness. It is the key to understanding yourself and surrounding yourself with relationships that feel mutually supportive.

Study upon study has also found that emotional intelligence is the single biggest predictor of professional success—more important than education, skill set, experience, or even IQ.

Everyone also needs resilience, which empowers you to adapt to changing situations and setbacks, be creative under pressure, and turn adversity into an opportunity to grow and clarify your desires.

This powerful combination of emotional intelligence and resilience is the secret to success and satisfaction in your career and in your life. (After all, what good is success without satisfaction?)

In fact, it is the secret to happiness.